Cloth Diapering: 2 weeks in

We began cloth diapering (CDing) the day we got home from the hospital.  I am by no means a CDing expert, but I feel I have a pretty good handle on CDing a newborn.  So far, CDing hasn't really been a big deal and it doesn't seem like extra work.  I love that I just do an extra 3 loads of laundry each week and don't have to worry about running to the store for diapers.  I also love that I am not exposing my baby to extra chemicals and that we are not adding extra waste to the landfills.  Here are my reviews on what we have used thus far.  Keep in mind that Genevieve was 7 lb 9 oz at birth and is now close to 9 lbs.

1.  Kissaluvs size 0 (often called KL0s): Right now, these are in our top 2 go-to diapers.  They aren't incredibly absorbant, but we just add in a Kissaluv doubler for extra absorbancy.  These fit great and aren't too bulky in my opinon.  They are very easy to use and have a snap down for the umbilical cord stump.  These wash great and dry relatively fast.

2.  Bumgenius 3.0 AIO XS: Seriously, these are our favorite for her age.  Unfortunately they have been discontinued.  I purchased mine used off of www.diaperswappers.com and I actually just got some brand new seconds for $6 from www.cottonbabies.com.  Anyway, they are super user friendly, contain EBF poo well, wash well (no stains), and dry really fast.  Too bad these were discontinued!  I wish I would have purchased more!  We did have one pee leak with these, but that is because the babe slept 6 hours through the night.  It was our fault for not changing her sooner, but hey, we are sleep deprived new parents.

3.  Thirsties Duo Wrap Cover: We have these in size 1 snaps and they are our go-to cover for the KL0s.  The double leg gussets do a fantastic job at holding everything in and we have had no leaks with these.

4.  Rumparooz NB Cover: Another great cover.  It also has the double leg gussets, so we haven't had any leak issues.

5.  Bummis Super Brite in NB: This cover was just so-so for me.  We were only able to use it for maybe 4 or 5 days before it became too small.  This would be a great option for smaller babies as it is easy to use and has the important double leg gussets.

6.  Bottombumpers AIO size small: I bought these used and really love them.  They have a snap in soaker cuts down on the drying time.  They began fitting around 8 lbs.  The soaker is topped with bamboo velour which makes it extra soft.

7.  Bumgenius Bamboo Fitted in small: Another great discontinued product by BG.  We began using these once her umbilical stump fell off (so on day 7) and they are wonderful.  They are much more absorbant than the KL0s and is pretty trim for a fitted.  I really have no idea why these were discontinued as they were not replaced with a similar BG product.  These do take a little bit longer to dry, but overall the dry time isn't bad.

8.  Dream-Eze AIO size small: This is a pretty trim AIO that we haven't had any leaks with yet.  They take a little bit longer to dry, but I like that they are made with organic fabrics. 

9.  Lil Joeys AIO by RaR: I almost forgot about these because we used them for like oh, 2 days.  I am glad that I bought them either on sale or used because they were a big waste.  I would say that I basically hate these diapers, but they are just too itty bitty and cute to hate.  However, I would say to not waste your money and just pass.  This diaper leaked (pee and poo) each time we tried to use it.

10.  Fuzzibunz Perfect Size in small: I have only used this once so far and the one time I used it, it leaked poo out the leg.  The size small is supposed to begin fitting at 7 lbs, but that doesn't seem to be the case for us.  I had the leg setting snapped down as small as possible and it seemed to be a good fit, but maybe she just isn't the right size yet.  I will try this one again in a week or so to see if it works better.

11.  Fishnoodles AIO: These are now called Bright Star Baby, but anyway, this is another AIO that has a snap in soaker.  These dry really fast and are pretty darn absorbant.  I like that the soaker is extra long so that you can fold down it however you like.

12.  GMD prefolds: Prefolds are super easy to me, but the baby hates them!  They are so bulky on her right now (even in the newborn size) that she can't pull up her legs how she likes.  (TMI warning: this makes it very difficult for her to go poo.)  I'd prefer not to listen to her scream like crazy when she needs to go #2, so we aren't really using these right now.

Wow, I sure have quite the variety of diapers!  If I had it to do over again, I would buy:
1. KL0s with doublers
2. BG Bamboo fitteds
3. BG 3.0 AIO XS
4. Thirsties Duo wrap in size 1
5. RaR NB cover

She is already growing out of her NB dipes, so that is part of why we have such a variety so far.  Because I can't resist, here is a picture of Genevieve in her first cloth diaper (a KL0 with a Thirsties Duo Cover):

I didn't get to give birth to my baby...

A c-section was the absolute last thing that I wanted for my baby and for myself.  I feel like I missed out on so many things.  I never imagined that there would be so much emotional healing from this.

I wanted either Chris or myself to be the first person to touch her in the "outside" world.  Instead she was yanked out by a stranger.

I wanted to give her her first bath.  Instead she was rubbed vigorously by strangers and then bathed by a glove wearing stranger a few hours later while Chris stood back the required few feet and attempted to take photos on my cell phone since I was being taken to my postpartum room.

I wanted her to be born in a peaceful environment.  Instead she was born in a bright and cold room with very worried and stressed out parents.

I wanted to delay cord clamping until it stopped pulsing.  Instead it was immediately clamped.

I wanted to see the umbilical cord and placenta that had sustained her for 42 weeks.  Instead it was disposed of as waste.

I wanted Chris to be able to cut the cord.  Obviously this was not an option.

I wanted immediate skin to skin contact.  Instead I got to hold her for about a minute after she had been wrapped up and I was in my gown.  I didn't remember until about 18 hours later that I wanted to do skin to skin.

I wanted to be able to breastfeed ASAP.  Instead she had to be on monitors and we missed her "wakeful" period. 

I am thankful for a healthy baby and a healthy mom, don't get me wrong.  I just feel robbed and that my body failed me.  Haven't women been giving birth to their babies for hundreds and hundreds of years?  I didn't get to give birth to my baby, instead, I feel like she was yanked from me.  I hope to one day be able to look back on her birth day and smile, but I just can't see that happening anytime soon.  For now, whenever I think about it (which is pretty much all the time), I just cry.

Genevieve's Birth Story

Warning, this will be long and it is a birth story, so it may have details that some people aren't comfortable with.  If you think that is the case, don't continue.  : )

Background info
I began having prelabor around 37 weeks.  Contractions were off and on, but they occured daily and were much stronger than the Braxton Hicks contractions I had been previously experiencing.  I was checked at 38 weeks and I had made no progress yet, so I was disappointed.  I declined to be checked at 39 weeks because I did not see the point at that time.

At 39 weeks 3 days, I was sent for a BPP (Biophysical Profile) to check on the baby because my fluid was running high.  Baby girl wasn't taking practice breaths, so we did not "pass" the BPP.  The radiologist called my midwife (MW) to discuss this with her.  The MW had us call her and she said she wasn't too concerned because the baby was asleep for all but the last 10 minutes of the exam.  She had me closely monitor fetal movements and everything was in normal range.

However, she wanted me to help nudge things along, so we began acupuncture.  Thankfully, my MIL is an  acupuncture physician, so that was easy to do.  Contractions would increase in strength and become more regular during acupuncture and for the few hours following, but then they would taper off.

I went in on Monday to be checked and had made some progress (1-2 cm) but nothing too much.  The MW said things were progressing, so we would just let them continue as is and keep an eye on the baby.  I went in for another BPP and everything was fine.  A week later I went in for another BPP (I was 41 weeks and 1 day) just to double check that she was okay and that my fluid levels had not increased anymore.

I had an appt with the MW the next day and we were to come in whenever so they could do an NST (non-stress test) just to make sure the baby is okay.  Once you pass 40 weeks, there are extra tests that should be done to make sure that mom and baby are doing well.  When we arrived, the NST equipment was not set up, so I started to get concerned.  The MW (we'll call her M) came in and told me that my fluid levels had increased even more, so it might be time to talk about going to the hospital for an induction.  I started crying because that was the last thing I wanted.  The concern was that my membranes would rupture (water would break) and that I could be in danger of a cord prolapse.  (Cord prolapse is when the umbilical cord comes down ahead of the baby's head and gets caught in the birth canal.)  It is a very serious complication and would require that the baby be removed ASAP.

M said she could contact the back up OB to get his opinion and I agreed to this.  The OB said that M could break my water, but it would have to be done very carefully to prevent cord prolapse.  M asked if we had our bags with us which we did not.  We ran home to grab our bags and of course I insisted on making sure the kitchen was clean first.  : )

Labor and Birth
We arrived back at the birth center at 11:00 am and went to the exam room to get ready.  M did a check to make sure that the baby's head was in place so that we would not have any cord issues.  She said she felt a "ridge" but checked it to make sure there was no pulse (meaning it was not the cord in the way).  She confirmed that it was not the cord and went ahead with rupturing my membranes.  I had been warned that it would be a flood, but I had no idea how much so!  M immediately told me to "sit up, sit up!" which I did as quickly as possible.  There was fluid all down the table, on the floor, everywhere.  I don't remember the last time I laughed so hard!

I was told to walk, walk, walk to get labor moving along.  There was nothing going on in the education room, so we put in a DVD (Knocked Up) and I walked around in circles and bounced on the ball.  Chris left around 12:30 to pick up some lunch from Firehouse.  At around 2:00, the acupuncturist came in and did another session of acupuncture on me (I think this was round 6 for me).  M said that their acupuncturist always gets women in active labor within 6-24 hours without fail.

Around 4:30, M checked me again, and I was still at 2-3 cm.  She told us to go home, have a good dinner, get some rest, and to call her every 3 hrs to check in.  At 10:00 pm, things were still the same, so she said I would need to drink 6 oz of castor oil at 5 or 6 am if I was not in active labor.  I really did not want to do the castor oil, but agreed that I would if labor had not picked up.  Around 11:30 pm, my contractions started getting a lot stronger and by 1:00 am, I woke Chris up to help me get through them.

I found that sitting in the bathtub with the shower head on my abdomen was the best thing for me.  By 6 am, the contractions were about 3 minutes apart and lasting over a minute.  We called M to make sure that we could skip the castor oil and she said it was fine to skip and she would see us at 8 am at the birth center.  We arrived back at the birth center at 8:30 am on Friday.  M checked me and I was still at 2-3 cm!  Ugh!  I could not believe this!  She said I had 2 and a half hours to be at 4-5 cm before we would have to start talking transfer.

I will say that there were 2 other women in labor there that day and one of them was screaming like crazy at the top of her lungs.  It was definitely hard to relax while listening to her!

Anyway, I was told to go out to the parking lot and "march" which involved me lifting my knees as high as possible.  This got old fast, but I did it.  I was also instructed to squat during contractions.  I am sure I was quite the sight to see!  M also wanted me to go to the chiropractor and have my MIL come do another round of acupuncture.

At 9:30, I headed over to the chiropractor who is in the same parking lot as the birth center.  She evaluated me and said she could see why the baby was not coming down and adjusted me.  She also asked if my belly had always been lopsided, which it had.  The baby had never journeyed past my belly button to the left side.  She made a couple of other adjustments and sent me on my way.

My contractions immediately started to feel different.  Not necessarily stronger, just different.  By the time we got back to the birth center, my MIL was there to do acupuncture.  She got started and I think I lasted 15 minutes before I begged her to take out the needles in my low back so that Chris could apply counter pressure.  Contractions were very strong at this point and I think they were about a minute apart.

I asked to get in the tub and was asked to wait, but I didn't listen.  I needed that tub and was not going to be stopped.  It was about 11:30 at this point, so I was at the critical point for making progress.  M came in and said she needed to check me and that I needed to get out of the tub.  I did not want to, but I eventually made my way out of the tub and back to the bed by noon.  I laid on my back for about 20 minutes waiting for M to come check me and I was extremely uncomfortable.  I was informed that she was delivering another baby and would be in with me shortly but she did not want me back in the tub.
 

Screw that!  I was back in the tub and said I would get out when she was done.  About 2 minutes after I got back in, M was done and ready for me.  I managed to get out of the tub again and when I was checked I was already at a 7!  I went from 3-7 cm in 45 minutes!  I was hoping we would get to meet the baby soon.

Chris helping me.  I originally said I didn't want him in the tub.  Oh well, it's a good thing I packed his bathing suit.

 
I also didn't think I wanted my mom there.  However, I am now very thankful that she was there:

Waiting to be checked was torture:

However, it took over 4 hours for me to go through transition and get to the point where I could start pushing.  Those 4 hours were awful because back labor started.  Back labor is constant and does not give you a break like regular contractions.  There were definitely times that I said " I can not do this" or "what was I thinking."  My mother in law was there as my doula and my mom came in to help me as well.  Without my team of 3 (Chris, my mom, and my mother in law), I don't know what I would have done.  They were a tremendous help in different ways.

M wanted me out of the tub so she could check me.  I know M does not like to do waterbirths, which I wanted, so I was refusing to get out of the tub.  I said "she wants me out of the water so she doesn't have to do a waterbirth."  M was right there when I said that and I didn't care.  She came over to me and said that there was no way I could deliver in the water with the position of the baby.

It took about 30 minutes to get me out of the tub because I could not move during contractions.  M checked me and said that I had a lip of a cervix, but was good to push.  I had planned on following the hypnobirth method of "breathing the baby down" and not doing "purple faced pushing," but apparently that was not going to happen.  I was instructed to inhale and push "stronger, harder, longer" with each and every contraction.  This was so not what I had planned, but I knew we needed to get the baby out because there was a little bit of meconium in the fluid.

(That's my MIL on the right in the sweater.)

Yeah, trying to push a baby out isn't pretty:

I'm sorry, but my expression in this one cracks me up!  It's one of three photos that I actually have my eyes open.

I pushed and changed positions many times during this stage, but nothing seemed to be bringing the baby down.  I was told to get back in the tub, relax, and not push.  Yeah right!  My body was pushing on its own and there was nothing I could do about it.  By this point, another midwife, R, joined the team.  She heard me grunting and such and came in and told me I needed to pant and breath through these contractions.  I sure tried my best, but I could not stop the pushing.  I compare it to trying to hold your breath for 5 minutes.  Not really possible.  (That's the student midwife in the photo.)

After a very long 30 minutes, they had me get out of the tub and push again.  At this point I had been pushing for 6 hours and it was about 9:45 pm on Friday the 8th.  Things in the room started to change quickly.  There was a lot of meconium and M called for a transfer.  She wanted me to transfer to a hospital that is 40 minutes away and I just could not image the car ride.  There is a hospital literally across the street from the center, but M told me that she would be sending me to a butcher shop if she sent me there.

This is the last photo before the transfer.  I was saying that my heart felt like it was beating out of my chest.  When we got to the hospital, my heart rate didn't go below 150.

My mom managed to get me dressed and then they got me into the wheelchair and wheeled us out to our car.  Chris had to drive me to the hospital while I was fully dilated and pushing.  It was literally the longest 35 minutes of my life!  R went with us and was the lead driver.  We pulled up to the hospital valet at 10:40 pm.  R ran to get a wheelchair while Chris got me out of the car.  I guess I should mention that I just had on a flimsy nightgown, but I didn't care.

They wheeled me in and R and Chris showed ID to the front and then they took me over to triage where we had to wait in the hallway.  I imagine I was quite the sight sitting in the middle of the hallway pushing in a wheelchair.  After about 10 or 15 minutes, a nurse finally came to get me and thankfully we skipped triage.

I was quickly taken to a L&D room where I was put on EFM (electronic fetal monitoring) & IV fluids immediately.  The nurse asked if I wanted an epidural and before I could answer, R said yes and I agreed.  I was beyond exhausted at this point.  Within 10 minutes, the anesthesiologist was there and getting started.  They had me sit up for the epidural and I immediately got sick.  Poor Chris, this was the 2nd time that I had gotten sick on him that day.  Zofran was ordered so that I would not continue to get sick.

The epidural was heaven.  I could still feel the back labor, but could no longer feel the contractions or the pushing sensation.  The OB came in at this point to evaluate me.  It was the birth center's back up OB, so he was already familiar with my case.  He had me push through the next contraction to decide a course of action.  It is definitely harder to push effectively with the epidural - I really had no idea what I was doing.

(The anesthesiologist is on the left and the nurse is the one putting stuff on me.  They were both awesome ladies.  I wish I would have caught their names.)

The OB said we could either continue to labor as is or go for a c-section.  He strongly recommended a c-section for the following reasons: 1) baby's heart rate was not doing well as it was continuously in the 170s and 180s.  2) My heart rate was in the 150s and 160s.  3) I had a fever and was showing signs of infection. 4) My membranes had been ruptured for 36 hours at this point.  5) There was a lot of meconium.  I asked if I could talk to R and my family, so they came back in the room.

R agreed that at this point, we needed to get the baby out ASAP.  The nurse spoke up at this point and said that she would have advocated for me if she thought continuing to labor would have been okay.  I consented to the c-section, so the anesthesiologist got working right away on adjusting the epidural.

This was my expression when I was told I would need a c-section.  

Once she did her thing, back labor was gone and I felt so much relief.  Chris was super stressed and scared at this point.  The doctor and R both told us that the baby will probably be floppy and sick when she was born and would need to go to the special care nursery right away.  I was holding strong and was praying for a healthy baby.

I was wheeled back to the OR at 11:50 pm on Friday the 8th.  I guess she was going to be born on the 9th instead of the 8th, but that was okay.  They got me prepped and told me that I would feel hands tugging and pressure, but that was normal.  Chris was brought in and was seated by my head.  I couldn't feel a thing.  I had the surgeon say "come on you little bugger, get out of there" and a few seconds later, we heard her cry at 12:36 am.  What a relief!

I asked Chris how she looked and he said she looked fine, but he couldn't see much.  Then I asked what color her hair was because her middle name depended on her hair color.  If it was brown or blonde, then I got to choose and if it was red, then Chris got to choose.  She had a head full of brown hair, so Genevieve Grace it is!

Chris was able to go over and look at her and take pictures.  We had left everything in the car, so we only had our cell phones, but he was still able to get a couple of pictures.  He came back to show me and told me that she weighed 9 lbs 9 oz.  Seriously?!?  A few minutes later they brought her over to me and I said there is no way she is 9 lbs 9 oz, she was definitely smaller than that.  She was placed on my chest for a couple of minutes and the anesthesiologist took our first family photo.

She was then taken away to be checked, but everything looked good.  She would not need to go to the special care nursery.  Chris's instructions were to stay with the baby at all times, so he walked with her where my mom and mother and law were able to see her.

I asked the nurse about her weight and she said she was 7 lbs 9.9 oz.  Chris saw the 9.9 and thought it was 9 lbs 9 oz!  LOL!  He had no idea of his error, so he told our moms the incorrect weight which quickly got passed around.

The OB came over and shook my hand and said that she was stuck in my pelvis.  He said that I have a very narrow pelvis and there is no way that she could have come out vaginally.  I guess this means that future babies will have to be c-sections as well.

I was then wheeled to recovery where Chris and Genevieve were waiting.  Genevieve had to be monitored for 30 minutes before I could hold her and attempt to breastfeed.  The nurse was pretty sure that I would be released from recovery within the hour because I was able to move my feet, lift my legs, and lift my butt off the bed.  I guess since I only had the epidural for a short amount of time, it didn't take long for it to leave my system.  However, my heart rate would not come down.  It needed to be below 100 and it would not go below 120.  They turned the lights down and told me to just relax and it would be okay.

I was begging for something to drink but could only have ice chips until I was out of recovery.  At 4 am, they finally decided to release me despite the heart rate issue.  I held Genevieve and we were wheeled to the mother and baby floor.  The first stop was the nursery where she would have her first bath.  Chris was able to go in with her and take photos while they got me set up in my room. They had water, apple juice, and fruit punch waiting for me and I immediately had a death grip on that water!

By the time Chris and Genevieve were done, it was 5:30 am on Saturday, July 9th.  I had been awake for close to 40 hours and was exhausted.  I fell asleep shortly after with Genevieve in my arms.  We only got a couple of hours of sleep, but any sleep at that point was a God send.

I am still having a difficult time coming to terms with everything, but I will save later posts for that.  I am happy to have a healthy baby, but am still grieving the natural birth that I wanted.  I did get to experience natural labor, but not a natural delivery.  I also had to recover from both a natural labor and a c-section, which has not been the most pleasant thing ever.

And now what you have been waiting for: photos!

First family photo: Genevieve Grace, born on 7.9.11 weighing 7 lbs 9 oz and 21 inches long

4 days old: